12:41AM and I'm still awake

writing a post... And breathe. Just, breathe.

Anna Nalick, anyone?

But really, it's late--or very early--and I can't sleep. And I need to be up in five and half-ish hours. The fact that YouTube algorithms have decided to show me TERRIFYING "It" trailers does not help. {Google Overloads/Ad Bots, if you're reading this please stop showing me ads for horror and thrillers. Please and thank you!} 

So, I've got a wine spritzer in my hand and a laptop on my lap and a lot on my mind lately. Especially within the decision-making and the job-hunt. I've got two interviews lined up for this coming week and hopefully another to be scheduled. Today, err yesterday?, I got an email about a job I applied for last spring. It was a position I both really wanted and thought I'd be good in. I drove six hours round-trip in one day for the interview and ultimately didn't get. This organization is now looking to fill the role again and reached out to see if I'd be interested. On one hand, yes!; on the other, I've committed to staying in Southeastern WI and don't believe moving back to Louisiana is a great wise choice. If this position was in Lafayette, maybe. But, it's in Shreveport. 

And although I believe that it has all worked out for the better, it's still rough. Like why have this opportunity fall flat, only to have it come up again 18 months later? And why be offered this second chance just after I promised myself I'd give Milwaukee another shot for the long term? And why when I was in the midst of scourging for a role I wanted with completely different current choices? 

Did I make a mistake? I'll be honest, I didn't take it to prayer. I saw the email and responded quickly: no thanks and good luck! And I meant that with total sincerity. Was that too rash? Should I weigh it more seriously against my goals and desires? Or did I act instinctively, knowing what was necessary for my health and happiness? 

In the end it's a test of faith. Faith the Father loves me, who knows my heart and wants the best for me. Faith the Son loves me, who sees my same struggles except sin and calls me follow him, even in suffering. Faith the Holy Spirit loves me, who emboldens my spirit and never abandons me.

Pray it with me y'all, Jesus, I trust in You.

Job Hunt Late Night Thoughts